A world traveler from my dorm.

It's happened again. I drank coffee; an espresso to be precise. In my defense, I was at an Italian restaurant. Old habits die hard, you see.

You know what else just happened? That awful empty feeling. The one that starts in your stomach and grabs your heart before you have time to protect yourself. Like an enemy. Wait. Simile isn't necessary in this case. This feeling is my enemy. Coming uninvited. Sneaking up until I can't think straight. I can't see straight. And I can't talk out-loud to discredit my irrational thoughts because my roommate is sleeping.

Think. Breath. Rationalize.

Yes, let's be rational.

What is it about this that always makes me uncomfortable and defensive? Why am I feeling this way, why are you my enemy?

Because I believed. I believed in the goodness of mankind. And it slapped me in the face. I didn't turn the other cheek.

I spat back. I bit. I kicked. I scratched.

I started a war. Survival of the fittest. If I was kicked, I would throw a rock back. If you cut me, I would tear you to pieces. No, not physically. Only with my words. And with my cold heart. Which was really just a victim of this enemy that latched on. Squeezing so hard. I became numb.

Then, like rain erases the pollen...so my pain dissipated.

In order for it to all be gone, there needed to be several great storms. Surprising and terrifying displays of thunder and lightening. With each one, I shook. Never knowing if pieces of pollen would stubbornly stay behind.

I'm still going through some storms. The pollen is hidden. Well hidden.

If I walk in the right light, you can see it sometimes. Just a speck in a strand of hair. Then the light changes. It's gone.

I found pollen tonight. Under my nails. For a second there, I lost control. Chaos entered my brain. I could feel the pressure on my heart again. The emptiness spreading.

Then. I spoke out loud in my mind.

Be rational.

I cut my nails. And it was gone. Leaving behind an immense feeling of silliness. Silliness of the fear that gripped me for a whole three minutes.

I forgot for a whole three minutes that if I close my eyes just right, I have a brain full of memories of walks in the rain, unforgettable sunsets, and dreams of new discoveries.

I'm closing my eyes tonight, to dream of the world I have to discover. Rivers, mountains, volcanos and villages. That is where I'll be.

And when the rain comes to wherever I am, you can bet I'll be sure to stand in the storms for a long time to rid myself of these last bits of pollen.

Buona notte a me. Viaggero stasera.